Vanessa
Richmond

“She exists outside the immediate family, ambassador to a universe of other options,” writes Kate Bollick in the NYT about the increased number of us spinsters and the bigger role we’re playing (and the increased options for them including magazines and assocations, but I’m gonna skip those, kay?). One in five women in their 40s is now childless, compared to 1 in 10 in the 1970s. Bollick writes:

For simplicity’s sake, let’s call me a childless spinster. So when my younger brother and his wife announced their first pregnancy, I — then in my mid-30s — listened hopefully for that famous tick-tock, and when it didn’t sound, slunk back to my familiar unknown. My indecision, I was forced to accept, was fast reaching its expiration date. And then on a bright March afternoon I entered a hushed delivery room, and my brother handed me a small white bundle, and I felt something, not maternal exactly, but decidedly formidable: a primal pull, a plummet. It was my niece, Sophie, 2 hours old.

The other day my friend was going to visit her niece and nephew. I said, knowing the answer, “Are you going to squeeze them till they can’t breathe?”

“They’re dead,” she deadpanned. “I’m going to hug them so much, they’d better watch it.” Then we both giggled till we forgot what we were even laughing about.

I’d show you photos of my nieces, but you might not say they’re the most adorable girls you’d ever seen. Then I’d have to kill you.

At least people are talking about whether she’s actually a psycho, instead of whether she’s still actually a woman (see: all other previous elections with female candidates).

Two minutes ago, when I decided to put some heels on to go meet a female friend for drinks, the Sex and the City theme song started playing in my head. Can’t a girl just go out on a Sat night, and get a little dressed up, without it being a total, freaking, 90s cliche?

Finally saw Harry Potter last night (spoiler alert).

At the end of a pretty good fantasy-action flick, after the showdown between good and evil, nerd and cool, ordinary and posh, we get “19 years later,” at which point the 16 year-old heros are dressed up like tired and gray 35 year-olds, married to their high-school sweethearts and seeing their 11 year-old kids off to boarding school. Am I the only one who wanted to see how the bad guys got it good, and who’s running shit now? Or what magic- and non-dbag equivalent of Jersey Shore these kids got up to in London before they got back to the business of saving the world? I mean, bypassing your 20s doesn’t seem like a great reward for winning the world’s biggest supernatural struggle on behalf of the little guy/girl.

Maybe because they heard women in Kabul who have to go to jail for 20 years for “moral crimes,” like pre-marital sex. (Well, the hoe-bags can sometimes get pardoned if the guy — who’s innocent — agrees to marry them.) Love Crimes of Kabul

Louis C.K. on fatherhood:

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. A waitress said to my kids the other day, “Isn’t that nice that you’re getting to have a little lunch with your daddy?” And I was insulted by it, because I’m like, I’m fucking taking them to lunch, and then I’m taking them home, and then I’m feeding them and doing their homework with them and putting them to bed. She’s like, Oh, this is special time with daddy. Well, no, this is boring time with daddy, the same as everything.

If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don’t. If a mother makes a tremendous effort for her kids and does incredible things, no one gives a shit, because she’s a mom, and that’s what she’s supposed to do. It’s like giving a bus driver a medal for driving straight ahead. Nobody’s interested. And that’s really not fair, but it is the way it is.

The Telegraph reports that the number of women in Britain having abortions in their 40s has risen by almost one-third in a decade. This is the explanation:

Experts said the dramatic rise reflects increased sexual activity among older women, and higher numbers of single women and divorcees -who are far more likely than previous generations to have casual sex or short-term relationships.

Ann Furedi, the chief executive of the British Pregnancy Advisory Service, said: “I think women are generally remaining sexually active for longer, and women in their 40s increasingly see themselves as sexual players -whether or not they are in relationships -in a way that they didn’t even a decade ago.

Fine. But can we agree that no matter how liberated a woman is, when she decides to have sex, it’s not “casual.” Like: more

Women find happy guys significantly less sexually attractive than swaggering or brooding men, says a new study from UBC. more

She’s the personification of the American Dream, oracle of self-helpism, priestesss of the Best Life religion, purveyor of superlatives, queen of day time TV and the world (just deposed), fan of celebrities, schlepper of schmaltz, and crusader for weight loss dreams.

There have been tens of thousands of guests on her show, and more than Barbara Walters or any therapist, she can get them to sit on her couch and pour their hearts out to millions of people. And many of her fans feel not only that she’s helped transform their lives in concrete ways, but that they have a personal relationship with her.

Basically, Oprah’s now breaking up with all of them. They’re writing her “don’t break up with me” letters:

“I feel like you have helped raise me. I am a social worker and I have used your wisdom to better myself and families I have worked with…esp about forgiveness.”

“Opreah I consider you to be my sister.one of the most important things I’ve learned from you is forgive.”

“Oprah, it’s like my best friend is leaving town and not coming back.”

Bitch.

“Do we have cooties?” a friend asked me a few days ago. “Would it kill them to talk to us?”

This week alone, two friends have told me that men from here are. The. Worst.

Sad that men suck? Could be one more reason to admit defeat (hey, it’s not me; it’s this town), get a cat, and re-watch The Wire (which actually sounds pretty frikken awesome). But my brother-in-law helpfully warned me that if I get a cat, I’ll be a spinster forever.

But it seems it’s not just this town: guys-here-are-the-worst is what one professor hears in every college town she visits. Sure, that’s her academic topic, but still. After one visit, a student vented in her college paper about how the guys at her college are “the worst… noncommittal, arrogant, awkward, and… not even that good looking.” Then the student said she’d learned from the lecture that at least they “aren’t the only heartless ones out there… it’s men everywhere.”

“I assure you, that point was not the intent of my lecture,” says the prof, Dr. Kathleen Bogle, from LaSalle University, who wrote Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.

Bogle says “the worst” narrative gets told in big cities, small towns, and college campuses. So why do women believe their dating lot is particularly sucky? (And no, it can’t just be that women are bitchy, because men have a version of the same complaint too.)

Read the whole post on The Tyee.

Not one but two friends told me this within the last week. One provided a before/after example.

Before
Friend’s husband: What? What did I do wrong?
Friend: Nothing
Friend’s husband: Why are you scowling at me then?
Friend: I’m not.
Friend’s husband: Yes you are!
Friend: No I’m not. That’s just my face.

Now
[Silence]

Dancing + pop culture church aspirations + self worship + religious iconography + Madonna envy - failure to piss off Catholic Church =  video agnosticism.

Canadians like a kegger as much as the next nation. Maybe more. I mean, if you ask a Canadian what it means to be Canadian, most describe a version of a Molson Canadian ad: a room full of healthy people who’ve just come in from a hike, earnestly having a good time, playing pool, laughing, drinking Canadian beer.

So it’s not that we don’t know how to celebrate. But we’re a little different from our neighbours down south when it comes to marking events, and deciding when it’s time (and when it isn’t) for a kegger.

Case in point: Osama bin Laden’s death. This event touches on so many cultural differences: from miltarism to patriotism. But even just the celebration part showcases a deep cultural gap.

The Guardian shows video footage of the scene. I mean, bin Laden did unspeakably awful things. But this scene also seems pretty awful to me in a different way. Maybe it’s the Canadian in me.

But some Americans seem to be having the same reaction. Michael Moore blogs that he was “thrilled” the bin Laden era was over. But says:

what I saw down at Ground Zero was not quiet relief and gratification that the culprit had been caught. Rather, I witnessed a frat boy-style party going on, complete with the shaking and spraying of champagne bottles over the crowd.

He says he can “can completely understand people wanting to celebrate – like I said, I, too, was happy – but something didn’t feel right. It’s one thing to be happy that a criminal has been captured and dealt with. It’s another thing to throw a kegger celebrating his death at the site where the remains of his victims are still occasionally found. Is that who we are? Is that what Jesus would do? Is that what Jefferson would do? I was reminded of the tale told to me as a kid, of God’s angels singing with glee as the Red Sea came crashing back down on the Egyptians chasing the Israelites, drowning all of them. God rebuked them, saying, “The work of My hands is drowning in that sea – and you want to friggin’ sing?” (or something like that).

What would the scene be in Canada? I don’t think we’d be in this situation in the first place. But just pretend. I might be being idealistic, but I think my fellow country people might regard his death as a necessary evil. Or might take a sombre moment to acknowledge that justice has been done. But I don’t think there’d be much cheering, and I think those who cheered would get a dirty look.